


I Suspect You've All Been Taking Illegal Substances

by Ocelot_l



Category: Atop the Fourth Wall, Channel Awesome, That Guy with the Glasses
Genre: Crack, Cuddling, Drug Use, Gen, M/M, Marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocelot_l/pseuds/Ocelot_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back when Lord Vyce was a threat, Linkara tried to set aside his pride and work with Insano and Spoony to protect the world. Things grew tense until they took a break to eat some brownies. Unfortunately for them, the brownies had been made using 90s Kid's 'secret recipe'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Suspect You've All Been Taking Illegal Substances

Linkara had never felt less comfortable in his own living room. It wasn’t because a ruthless being from another universe had threatened to kill him and take over the Earth, or because some indescribable ‘Entity’ with the potential to destroy everything and everyone he loved was loose. No, he was uncomfortable because of the dark-haired man in the white lab coat and the swirly goggles who sitting on his couch and giggling like a deranged child.

“I never thought the mighty Linkara would dare to bestow his most hated enemy with an invitation into his own home,” Dr. Insano said, his long, pale fingers tapping with nervous energy upon the arms of the couch.

“Believe me Insano, if I didn’t fear for the safety of this universe I would never have allowed you anywhere near here,” Linkara replied tersely. He could feel the Magic Gun inside his coat pocket pressed close to his body and he longed to point its silver barrel directly against the scientist’s head, defeating him once and for all. But unfortunately Insano’s intellect was an essential evil if he wanted to take down Vyce quickly and without unnecessary casualties. 

“It must be eating you up,” Insano goaded, becoming giddier with each word. “Being forced to admit that my mental capabilities and knowledge of SCIENCE are the only tools with even the slightest chance of saving this world. It must be troubling, probably even PAINFUL, for such a glory-loving windbag who thinks he’s so much smarter than everyone else to admit that he needs the help of a man he doesn’t even consider an equal in any aspects of life.” Insano paused then and leaned closer to the comic lover. “How does it feel,” he asked in a whisper, “to beg for help like a frightened child?”

“I will never beg you for anything!” Linkara shouted as he jumped to his feet in a fit of rage. One hand was already reaching for his Magic Gun, the other his Dragon Dagger, as all thoughts of fighting Vyce vanished from his mind.

“Whoa, calm down, Linkara.” Spoony, who had been sitting on the other side of the couch, suddenly jumped up and inserted his body between the two enemies. “Don’t let him provoke you into doing anything you’ll regret later. I know he’s a huge douche, but the truth is we need his twisted mind for the time being, so just ignore whatever shit he says and keep focused on the big picture.”

Linkara dropped his arms and sighed. “I know, you’re right. Losing control is not going to help anyone right now, no matter how good it would feel to have my hands wrapped around his throat.” Insano seemed to enjoy this threat and cackled even more loudly, but Spoony’s glare silenced him rather quickly.

“I told you to behave when we came here or else I’m not baby-sitting the next time you go to one of your evil scientist conventions.”

“I wouldn’t even need you if that damned girl down the street didn’t charge an arm and a leg,” Insano grumbled, but after that he sunk back into the couch and fell silent. 

“That’s a good crazy doctor.” Spoony suddenly turned toward the kitchen and sniffed the air. “Oh God, what is that delicious smell?” Linkara sniffed as well.

“Someone must be making brownies,” he deduced while wondering which of his roommates was currently at home. Just then the oven buzzer went off and Linkara rushed off to take care of the delicious treats.

“Can I have one?” Spoony asked as he followed along after his friend, eyeing the brownies with a greedy expression.

“Well, maybe after we do some work,” Linkara decided. “I’m sure whoever made these won’t mind us eating a few.” Spoony half-heartedly agreed and the two returned to the living room in the hopes of devising a strategy to fend of Vyce’s attacks. 

Unfortunately, Linkara and Insano were finding it increasingly difficult to even speak without somehow insulting the other and no amount of mediation from Spoony could keep the team focused on the task.

“That’s it, I’m taking a break,” the gamer said in frustration after half an hour had passed. “I am getting pissed with you two whining and fighting all the God-damned time!” He stomped off into the kitchen, leaving the enemies to glare and hiss at each other in his absence. Spoony soon returned with a plate stacked high with brownies and dropped it onto Linkara’s coffee table. “Here, eat some and shut the fuck up for once.” 

“I guess I’ll have one,” Linkara murmured as he reached for a square. He would make it up to whoever baked these later. After taking a bite, his expression brightened. “This is delicious!”

“These might be the best brownies I’ve ever eaten,” Spoony almost moaned after stuffing a whole one in his mouth. 

“I know!” Linkara quickly finished his and reached for another.

“Uh,” Insano finally spoke in a hesitant tone. “I suppose it may be advantageous to build up my strength before coming up with yet another brilliant idea.” Linkara glowered at the scientist but was too busy chewing to reply. Insano took a small bite of his brownie before his eyebrows rose. “Oh Tesla, that is delicious!”

In ten minutes the plate was covered in nothing but crumbs of chocolate and the three men were leaning back, moaning and sighing in satisfaction. Nothing could destroy the bliss they felt with the world. Well, almost nothing.

“DUUUUUUUUUUUUDES, what’s happening?” Linkara could barely manage to turn his head as 90s Kid strolled into the living room. “Are you having a party? I love parties!”

“No, you bumbling incompetent, we’re devising a defense strategy to protect this world from hostile invaders,” Insano retorted, although his speech was slightly slurred.

“Oh. Cool.” 90s Kid then noticed the plate of chocolate crumbs on the table and his expression turned nervous. “Uh, dudes? Did you happen to eat any of the brownies that I was making?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Linkara mumbled. “We didn’t mean to eat this many, but they were so delicious that we couldn’t help ourselves. I’ll pay you for more mixture later, though.”

“You-you didn’t eat all of them, did you?” 90s Kid asked in a horrified tone.

“They were just so damn good,” Spoony replied, still unable to sit up properly.

“Oh, this is so not excellent.” 90s Kid started pacing around the living room and nervously tugging on the brim of his cap. “Very, very un-excellent.”

“I really am sorry,” Linkara apologized again, as this odd behavior from the normally laid-back kid was making him feel queasy. Or maybe that was the brownies. “Is there any way we can make this up to you?”

“You don’t understand, dude.” 90s Kid stopped pacing, turned to Linkara, and pulled down his sunglasses. “Those weren’t normal brownies. They were a… special recipe.” Linkara blinked, not understanding, but Spoony suddenly bolted upright.

“Oh God,” he said, his skin paling. “You don’t mean those were pot brownies, do you?”

“What?!” Linkara and Insano yelled at the same time, their earlier calm now replaced by panic.

“I never meant for you dudes to eat those,” 90s Kid tried to explain. “I’m going to a party later and I was going to bring them-”

“How does that help us now?’ Linkara interrupted as he brought his hands to his face, attempting to feel for symptoms as if he had the mumps. “Why would you even do something so stupid in my house?!”

“Dude, I’m really sorry,” 90s Kid said, honestly looking upset by the situation.

“I don’t give a crap about your ‘sorry’, you stupid freak!”

“Hey, Linkara, take it easy, man.” Spoony had turned to give his friend a look of concern. “He didn’t mean for us to eat them and what’s done is done. The only thing we can do now is wait until it’s out of our systems. Getting mad isn’t going to help.”

“You don’t understand, Spoony.” Linkara leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “I’ve never… done this before.” He hated admitting this in front of Insano, but he was having difficulty with clear thinking at moment.

“Really?” Spoony and 90s Kid wore matching looks of surprise at this admission, but then Insano cleared his throat.

“To tell the truth, I also am not entirely familiar with… marijuana.” 90s Kid and Spoony stared at the scientist for a moment before the gamer burst out laughing.

“I knew you were lame, but I never thought you were this pathetic,” Spoony managed to say in-between chuckles. Insano scowled at his doppelganger.

“Why are you only laughing at me when he also admitted to never using it before?”

“Because he’s Linkara! It makes sense that a boring do-gooder like him wouldn’t even think of doing drugs! You, on the other hand, are supposed to be some hardcore evil genius and yet you’ve never even lit up a joint? Loser!”

“I can’t believe I’m being looked down on by a man who wasted multiple hours of his life playing ‘Phantasmagoria’ and ‘Ripper’,” Insano muttered as he crossed his arms and lowered his head to sulk. Linkara felt slightly better at learning this admission, but then a wave of dizziness overtook him and he rolled onto the floor.

“Linkara, dude? You okay?” 90s Kid bent down to touch his friend’s arm, but the comic lover started to shake.

“I think I’m going to throw up,” he muttered, his skin now covered in sweat.

“Uh oh, this may be bad,” 90s Kid murmured. 

“Don’t worry man, I’ll be with you.” Spoony moved to sit on the floor beside Linkara and held out a hand. Linkara gratefully accepted and held on tight as he started feeling dizzy once more.

About an hour later the tense atmosphere had completely evaporated, giving way to something more relaxed and filled with wild giggling. After a rough start, Linkara was adjusting to the drugs well and had taken to building a house out of his comic books.

“Have you ever thought about how many corners there are in life,” he wondered as he picked up an issue of ‘Spider-Man’. “Four corners on a book, four corners in a room, Four Corners in the states. Yesterday I was walking and I came to a corner and I thought ‘Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just go straight?’ Corners are always ruining it for everyone.”

“I really like my name,” Spoony mused from his position of lying on the couch. He had a bag of Doritos and a jar of relish on his stomach, and every so often he would dip a chip into the jar before popping it into his mouth. “You know why? Because it has ‘poon’ in it.” He and Linkara started laughing at that.

“You-you know what else is in Spoony? ‘Spoon’.” Another fit of laughter overtook them. “I like spoons because they don’t have corners.”

“Well, I like ‘Links’ because they get to go and save Zelda and travel through time and play ocarinas.” Linkara gazed at Spoony with an adoring expression.

“Aw, thanks man.”

“No problem. You know I’d travel anywhere with Link.” Spoony attempted to wink then, but he was seeing multiple Linkaras and just managed to blink at them several times.

“You know, sometimes I have this dream,” Insano blurted out as he padded into the living room, a bag of M&Ms clenched in one hand. His swirly goggles were slightly askew and his lab coat was nowhere to be seen. “I’m in a lab with Nikola Tesla and we talk about his inventions and theories. But then he tells me I’m dirty and if I want to stay with him, I need to strip down and let him scrub me clean.”

“That’s really nice of him,” Spoony remarked as he chomped on another relish-soaked Dorito.

“So, of course, I let him, because it’s Tesla,” Insano continued while trying to tear open his bag of candy. “But then he starts making these… comments about my body and I get so mad that I take the flying machine he keeps on his desk and stab him through the chest.” The scientist seemed shocked by this sudden revelation, dropped the candy, and then fell to his knees. “Oh, Tesla! I’m so sorry!”

“Hey man, don’t let him bring you down,” Linkara said in a forceful tone. “If he can’t recognize how great you are, then you don’t need him stealing your wind like that.” He offered a ‘Batman’ comic to the scientist, who clutched it tightly to his chest.

“I’m so glad you two aren’t fighting anymore,” Spoony said with an excited smile. He rolled onto the floor, knocking his snacks onto the carpet, and crawled over to the two so he could lay his arms around their shoulders. “I love you both so much!” He punctuated his statement by giving each of them a friendly kiss on the lips.

“I hope I hear those words some day,” Insano admitted in a wistful tone.

“Don’t worry about it,” Linkara said, his arm now over Spoony’s shoulder as well. Then he noticed Insano’s appearance. “Hey, where’s your lab coat?”

“In the fridge,” Insano replied in a matter-of-fact tone. He reached over to grab the M&Ms and once again struggled to make an opening in the bag.

“That reminds me-I have to make waffles,” Spoony said, suddenly standing up.

“Now, now, you’re the guest, Spoony,” Linkara said as he struggled to stand. “I’ll make the waffles, and you help Insano.”

“Ok.” Spoony moved closer to the doctor before stopping to stare directly into his goggles. He seemed entranced for about a minute before he clutched his head. “I am so dizzy right now.”

“You should lie down.” Insano helped make the gamer comfortable on the couch before he was pulled down on top of him.

“I don’t say this enough, but I’m really glad I live with you,” Spoony said. Insano looked stunned by this information but the pleasant fuzziness in his head kept him from rationalizing why this was surprising news, or even moving, and the two remained snuggled on the couch together. 90s Kid peeked in at them from the kitchen before looking back in time to see Linkara pour the batter into the waffle maker, unplug it from the wall, and then walk away. 

“I have never wanted to be high so badly in my life.”


End file.
